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From the people who brought you "zero tolerance," I present the Gun-Free Zone! Yippee! Problem solved! Bam! Bam! Everybody down! Hey, how did that der...more

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I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am.

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For most Americans, our most precious possession is citizenship in this amazing country.

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We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as t...more

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Guns are our friends because in a country without guns, I'm what's known as "prey." All females are.

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I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it. You know who else was kind of "divisive" in ter...more

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The Democratic Party supports criminals and Islamic terrorists but has no sympathy for taxpayers.

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As far as I'm concerned, I'm a middle-of-the-road moderate and the rest of you are crazy.

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I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.