"And I told him that I believed in God because I had seen His opposite. I had seen all that He was not, and been touched by it, and so I could no more ...

After all this time, he had hope, and then hope was gone, and he hates himself for giving in to hope. He, who exists only to kill the hopes of others, could not destroy the hope within himself.
After all this time, he had hope, and then hope was gone, and he hates himself for giving in to hope...
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