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How exhausted I am suddenly!—though this has been Ray’s best day in the hospital so far, and we are feeling—almost—exhilarated.

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Hospital vigils inspire us to such nostalgia. Hospital vigils take place in slow-time during which the mind floats free, a frail balloon drifting into...more

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Nor do I like being told upsetting news—unless there is a good reason. I can’t help but feel that there is an element of cruelty, if not sadism, in fr...more

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That I was sleeping at a time when my husband was dying is so horrible a thought, I can’t confront it.

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The minutiae of our lives! Telephone calls, errands, appointments. None of these is of the slightest significance to others and but fleetingly to us y...more

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Still, I am angry with him. I am very angry with him. With my poor dead defenseless husband, I am furious as I was rarely—perhaps never—furious with h...more

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For writing is a solitary occupation, and one of its hazards is loneliness. But an advantage of loneliness is privacy, autonomy, freedom.

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It may be that actual tears have stained the tile floors or soaked into the carpets of such places. It may be that these tears can never be removed. A...more

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It is utterly naive, futile, uninformed—to think that our species is exceptional. So designated to master the beasts of the Earth, as in the Book of G...more

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It is the most horrific thought—my husband died among strangers.

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The gardener is the quintessential optimist: not only does he believe that the future will bear out the fruits of his efforts, he believes in the futu...more

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How strange it is, to be walking away. Is it possible that I am really going to leave Ray—here? Is it possible that he won’t be coming home with me in...more

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Loving our parents, we bring them into us. They inhabit us. For a long time I believed that I could not bear to live without Mom and Dad—I could not b...more

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She will speculate that she didn’t fully know her husband—this will give her leverage to seek him, to come to know him. It will keep her husband “aliv...more

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Like editing, gardening requires infinite patience; it requires an essential selflessness, and optimism.