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You get towards the end of life - no, not life itself, but of something else: the end of any likelihood of change in that life. You are allowed a long moment of pause, time enough to ask the question: what else ...

~ Julian Barnes ~

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You get towards the end of life - no, not life itself, but of something else: the end of any likelih...

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Julian BarnesThe Sense of an Ending

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There is a grotesquerie to grief as well. You lose the sense of your existence being rational, or justifiable. You feel absurd.