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I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the “lower animals” (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositi...more

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I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell, you see, I have friends in both places.

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Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it woul...more

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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

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If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

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The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

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Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of t...more

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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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I had to have company -- I was made for it, I think -- so I made friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the kindest dispositi...more

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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Ani...more

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She said all a body would have to do there [Heaven] was to go around all day long with a harp and sing, forever and ever.

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Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and today -- all without seeing him. It is a long time to be alone; still, it is better to be alone that unwelcome. I ha...more

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What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!