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Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman.

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Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now behind the counter when you renew your car r...more

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A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

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Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is stil...more

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Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist...more

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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

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When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospi...more

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Cars let us out of the barn and, while they were at it, destroyed the American nuclear family. As anyone who has had an American nuclear family can te...more

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The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administr...more