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You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

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This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's a rogue onion ring at ...more

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Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construc...more

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Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people who choose to dress their dogs up in outfits bet...more

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I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand...more

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Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be my drink of the moment. Someone told me that gr...more

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My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am remin...more

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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I wo...more

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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of...more