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Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If cavemen had known how to laugh, history would have been different.

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The drive to Santa Fe on I-25 is midly zen. There are public road signs that say "Gusty Winds May Exist". This seems more like lazy philosophy than tr...more

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The first moment someone calls for a revolution is usually the last moment I take them seriously.

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Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalr...more

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However, I suppose VH1 *is* selling me something; they're selling nostalgia, which means they're selling my own memories back to me, which means they'...more

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Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.

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If you've spent any time trolling the blogosphere, you've probably noticed a peculiar literary trend: the pervasive habit of writers inexplicably plac...more

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We assume that all statements must be mild inversions of the truth, because it's too weird to imagine people who aren't casually lying, pretty much al...more

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Necessity used to be the mother of invention, but then we ran out of things that were necessary.

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If rain is God crying, I think God is drunk and his girlfriend just slept with Zeus.

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But whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience...more

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Outcasts may grow up to be novelists and filmmakers and computer tycoons, but they will never be the athletic ruling class.

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There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving ...more

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I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack.

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When exactly did every housewife in America become a whore?