"

Be you wise and never sad,You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true,And your wish will come to you--And if that makes you happy, kid,You...more

"

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

"

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

"

There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.", Summer 1956]

"

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

"

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

"

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

"

And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

"

It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day.

"

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

"

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

"

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

"

Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.

"

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

"

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.