"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.
I don't like lollipops.
More Eoin Colfer quotes
"Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't...
"Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done.” He winked at Butler.“Are you sure you’re at the library? I though...
"Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you c...
"She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.-Artemis Fowl
"All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.
"Toadstool mandarins are a form of toxic jellyfish whose tentacles are loaded with entheogenic venom. The effects of a mandarin sting are threefold. Th...
"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.
"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.
"A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.
"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.
"We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.
"Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is th...
"I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?
"[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch's version of a briefing. The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit wall panel. In fairness, there w...