"I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.
~ Joan Rivers ~












I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my fac...
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More Joan Rivers quotes
"Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
"Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. A...
"…you either do or do not have a comedy mind, whatever that is, maybe a heightened sense of the ridiculous and the absurdity of life…We are all crazy a...
"I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.…I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventuall...
"I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.
"The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that outrageousness can be cleansing and healthy…
"The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.
"When you begin to losing your audience, do not get loud; get quiet, make them find you and come back to you.
"Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.
"Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is...
"It gathers emotionally inside you, in a strange way a by-product of struggle, of a willingness to do anything, try anything, expose yourself to anythi...
"Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.
"Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we brea...
"I said, "Is there!" I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he h...