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…you either do or do not have a comedy mind, whatever that is, maybe a heightened sense of the ridiculous and the absurdity of life…We are all crazy a...more

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I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.…I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventuall...more

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I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

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The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that outrageousness can be cleansing and healthy…

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The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

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When you begin to losing your audience, do not get loud; get quiet, make them find you and come back to you.

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Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.

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Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is...more

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Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.

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Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we brea...more

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I said, "Is there!" I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he h...more

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…but I think comedy is more aggressive than that. It is a medium for revenge. We can deflate and punish the pomposity and the rejection which hurt us....more

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People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

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Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

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I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.