"

I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis cam...more

"

When you're on a Ferris wheel all anyone ever talks about is being on the Ferris wheel and the view from the Ferris wheel and whether the Ferris wheel...more

"

When I was little, my dad used to tell me, "Will, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.

"

you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.

"

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.

"

Mia,' she whispered. I turned around. 'What?' I whispered back.She smiled at me a little. 'LEEERRROOOY JEEENNKKIINNNSS!' she shouted, then spun around...more

"

Dear Teens at Starbucks wearing 'Abstain from Sex 2 Attain Ur Goals' t-shirts: Doesn't it depend on what my goals are?

"

Just move to the Internet, its great here. We get to live inside where the weather is always awesome.

"

Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page," Radar said. "For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I...more

"

Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than b...more

"

I don't know where people got the idea that characters in books are supposed to be likable. Books are not in the business of creating merely likeable ...more

"

(I didn’t tell him that thediagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)

"

This squirrel is inadequately afraid of humans! Squirrel, I am a threat to you! We are enemies! Please get off my bench! Oh, god! Oh, god! Don't touch...more

"

If my public existence does anything worthwhile, hopefully it at least demystifies the author a bit, because I know when I was younger I felt like aut...more

"

Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.