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Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.

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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.

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As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language soon overtook physical ges...more

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You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

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Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearin...more

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[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit.

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No one is better at not beating America than England.

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Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.

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The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.

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We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.

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I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them...more

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As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their own democracy for granted. A preside...more