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Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.

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As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language soon overtook physical ges...more

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You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

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Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

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Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearin...more

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[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit.

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Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had t...more

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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.

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The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.

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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.

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I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them...more

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It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats ...more

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As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their own democracy for granted. A preside...more