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I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened

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Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man....more

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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

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A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

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If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.

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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

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Now, then, that is the tale. Some of it is true.

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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

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Never let your education interfere with your learning.

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Herodotus says, "Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all: the conscientious historian will correct these defects.

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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.

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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

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Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

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The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.