Elayne Boosler Quotes

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter ...

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usua...

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times men woul...

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to...

I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newsp...

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

For a single woman preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole differen...

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with ...

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your c...

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually b...

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.