Billy Connolly Quotes

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one.”"Don't vote. It just e...

Oh, I can picture myself rattling along Route 66 on that thing, headphones on, singing along to ZZ T...

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thin...

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't b...

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of c...

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

The human race has been set up. Someone somewhere is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently w...

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagi...

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

If you give people a chance, they shine.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind ...

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterw...

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've ...

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking a...