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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

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Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is!

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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.

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Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?

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Fascism is when corporations become the government.

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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

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New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair...more

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Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you...more

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Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

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This is the opposite of the free market.

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Do not fuck with gun nuts because they are nuts about their guns.

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Every day in America is a day with a shooting.

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Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.

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You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

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I don't ridicule religion, it ridicules itself.