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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

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There isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was twenty-one...which gives you an idea of how pathetic I was when I was twenty-one. (That...more

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I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.