George Burns Quotes

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as clo...

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

There isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was twenty-one...which gives you an idea ...

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting ha...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that the rest is easy.

Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on ...

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be I alwa...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while y...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at somethin...

I look better feel better make love better and I'll tell you something else ... I never lied bett...

At my age flowers scare me.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as cl...

Happiness is having a large loving caring close-knit family ... in another city.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they ...

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

Happiness is having a large loving caring close-knit family in another city.