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God is a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

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It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.

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The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

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A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.

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The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

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In the present case it is a little inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. Thi...more

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An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.

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Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.

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Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

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I do not believe in democracy, but I am perfectly willing to admit that it provides the only really amusing form of government ever endured by mankind...more

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Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong.

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Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.

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What I'd like to read is a scientific review, by a scientific psychologist--if any exists--of 'A Scientific Man and the Bible'. By what route do other...more

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Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.

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We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his chi...more