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If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises....

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The boss is never your friend, even if you're sleeping with him.

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The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

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Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.

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Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

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A century ago, people laughed at the notion that we were descended from monkeys. Today, the individuals most offended by that claim are the monkeys.

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Know your load. That’s rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me one at a time. I’m not going t...more

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Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.