"

The only thing weaker than a toddler's handshake is their immune system.

"

We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “W...more

"

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

"

People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling b...more

"

Children have a tendency to behave as poorly as the most poorly behaved kid in the room. The laws of physics dictate that if there is a kid screaming ...more

"

I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don’t like. I feel guilty when I drop them o...more

"

When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard.

"

I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.

"

I was only hit on once at the grocery store. I remember it was early one Saturday morning and I was buying my daily bacon, when I got tapped on the sh...more