"I followed the other Experiment around, yesterday afternoon, at a distance, to see what it might be for, if I could. But I was not able to make [it] o...












Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.
More Mark Twain quotes
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
"If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks.
"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
"Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of t...
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
"When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
"Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
"Satan must have been pretty simple, even according to the New Testament, or he wouldn't have led Christ up on a high mountain and offered him the worl...
"After a long time and many questions, Satan said, "The spider kills the fly, and eats it; the bird kills the spider and eats it; the wildcat kills the...
"Satan had been making admiring remarks about certain of the Creator's sparkling industries -- remarks which, being read between the lines, were sarcas...
"Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Ani...
"A woman's intuition is better than a man's. Nobody knows anything, really, you know, and a woman can guess a good deal nearer than a man.
"A God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a sing...