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He'd never asked for an exciting life. What he really liked, what he sought on every occasion, was boredom. The trouble was that boredom tended to exp...more

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Mister Rob Anybody and sundry others?" said one of the figures in a dreadful voice."There's naebody here o' that name!" shouted Rob Anybody. "We dinna...more

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Oh, that's just Thud! That's easy!" yapped a voice.Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief."I used to play it whe...more

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You won't enjoy it," sighed Crowley. "It's been in the car for more than a fortnight." A heavy bass beat began to thump through the Bentley as they sp...more

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For a moment the rank felt as though they had just returned from single-handedly conquering a distant province. They felt, in fact, tremendously bucke...more

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Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all night. They communicated by...more

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... a metaphor ... is like lying but more decorative.

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I never said nothing...""I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn'...more

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She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end u...more

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(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

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You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

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People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

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-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

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(About sweeping)....What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends...more

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Aargh! I’m too short for this shit!