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Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in ...more

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If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

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It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

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Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

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The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.

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The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

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You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.

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The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

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If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.

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If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.

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We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

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It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.