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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying.

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Life doesn't imitate art it imitates bad television.

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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

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Ninety percent of living is just showing up.

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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

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Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.

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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

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You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

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I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

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One day about a month ago, I really hit bottom. You know, I just felt that in a Godless universe, I didn't want to go on living. Now I happen to own t...more

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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.