Andy Rooney Quotes

It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting ol...

For most of life nothing wonderful happens. If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing...

the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day...

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probabi...

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first plac...

The 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probabi...

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed o...

If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day...

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every re...

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of p...

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don...

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

I just wish this social institution [religion] wasn't based on what appears to me to be a monumental...

I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who ...

I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nic...

We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a...

Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origi...

One question in my mind, which I hardly dare mention in public, is whether patriotism has, overall, ...

The Christmas tree is a symbol of love, not money. There's a kind of glory to them when they're all ...

The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees h...

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged it makes me think that the chef is spending too much...

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're ...

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the c...

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a ...

If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with fa...

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For eve...