"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surf...












The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
More Jerry Seinfeld quotes
"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
"A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
"Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
"I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be a...
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army ...