"

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

"

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

"

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

"

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

"

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

"

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a ...more

"

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

"

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

"

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.