"The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
I love you like a fat kid loves cake!
More Scott Adams quotes
"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
"Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
"Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
"The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.
"You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'...
"If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consul...
"Realistically, most people have poor filters for sorting truth from fiction, and there’s no objective way to know if you’re particularly good at it or...
"Never use naughtiness in mixed company, unless your witticism is so funny that your audience will shoot tears of happiness out of their eyes with a ve...
"By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and reflex. All you can do during those hours are the things t...
"The key to career advancement is appearing valuable despite all hard evidence to the contrary. … If you add any actual value to your company today, yo...