Scott Adams Quotes

Lately...the Peter Principle has given way to the "Dilbert Principle." The basic concept of the Dilb...

Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with low SAT scores. The only differences among us is that...

Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's...

I'm more of a sprinter than a marathoner when it comes to many aspects of life. For example, when I'...

It’s tempting to imagine happiness as a state of mind caused by whatever is happening in your life. ...

Success caused passion more than passion caused success.

What you rarely see is a stillborn failure that transmogrifies into a stellar success. Small success...

Things that will someday work out well start out well. Things that will never work start out bad and...

You’ve seen for yourself that when a sad person enters a room, the mood in the room drops. And when ...

A goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don't sometime in the future. A system is ...

Capitalism is rotten at every level, and yet it adds up to something extraordinarily useful for soci...

Of the big five factors in happiness—flexible schedule, imagination, diet, exercise, and sleep—my pi...

You probably think the majority of your crabbiness is caused by the idiots and sociopaths in your li...

Realistically, most people have poor filters for sorting truth from fiction, and there’s no objectiv...

The best you can hope for in a relationship is to findsomeone whose flaws are the sort you don’t min...

You can change only what people know, not what they do.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of pheno...

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Ta...

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

If you see voters as rational, you'll be a terrible politician. People are not wired to be rational....

Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessi...

Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way you can buy your ...

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

If your current get-rich project fails, take what you learned and try something else. Keep repeating...

If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you may wake up each day with failure in mind because the goal is...

If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.

It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.

The only risk of failure is promotion.

Beware of advice about successful people and their methods. For starters, no two situations are alik...

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away ...

You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eatin...

You don't have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people i...

The key to career advancement is appearing valuable despite all hard evidence to the contrary. … If ...

By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and reflex. ...

Never use naughtiness in mixed company, unless your witticism is so funny that your audience will sh...

Theory of Evolution (Summary)First, there were some amoebas. Deviant amoebas adapted better to the e...

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with ano...

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequ...

The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedd...

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smar...

Losers have goals. Winners have systems.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

The best things in life are silly.

Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones....

Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up an...

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother ...

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be...

The world is like a reverse casino. In a casino, if you gamble long enough, you're certainly going t...

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in ...