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Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

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Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

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Always drink upstream from the herd.

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I never met a man that I didn't like.

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?

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All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

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There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.