Larry David Quotes

I'd like to start a family but you have to have a date first.

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in bein...

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that ...

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

Golf and dating don't mix.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, beca...

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

Women love a self-confident bald man.

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, beca...

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when yo...

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.