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In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

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If you can't win by reason, go for volume.

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Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.-Hobbes

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Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

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They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.""Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’...more

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When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

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Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Nap...more

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We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.

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I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.

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Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?

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I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

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Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!

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Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.

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I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

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Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.