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If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

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Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't...more

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The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.

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Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which rese...more

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Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done.” He winked at Butler.“Are you sure you’re at the library? I though...more

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Why can't I solve this problem by killing someone? she though petulantly, then comforted herself with the mantra that had kept her going in prison: "S...more

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Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you c...more

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She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.-Artemis Fowl

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All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.

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Toadstool mandarins are a form of toxic jellyfish whose tentacles are loaded with entheogenic venom. The effects of a mandarin sting are threefold. Th...more

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The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting.

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Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

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It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

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Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

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A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.