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I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the “lower animals” (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositi...more

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Summer is the time when it is too hot to do the job that it was too cold to do last winter.

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You may say what you want to, but in my opinion she had more sand in her than any girl I ever see; in my opinion she was just full of sand.

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During the gold rush its a good time to be in the pick and shovel business

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Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

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The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

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It is not that I believe that there are too many idiots in this world, just that lightning isn't distributed right.

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The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket ...more

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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

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The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

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By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean.

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When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.

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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

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The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet...more