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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.

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To make money buy some good stock hold it until it goes up and then sell it. If it doesn't go up don't buy it.

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There ain't nothing but one thing wrong with every one of us and that's selfishness.

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If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

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A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

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Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anythi...more

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On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it...more

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If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

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Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Ameri...more

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Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

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People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.

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Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

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Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

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A fool and his money are soon elected.