I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying.
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Life doesn't imitate art it imitates bad television.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
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Ninety percent of living is just showing up.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
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I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
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I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, 'Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?' I said, 'I w...
