Robert Benchley Quotes

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things and I have succeeded fairly well.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that momen...

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing but I couldn't give it up because ...

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a len...

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still kee...

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death...

Streets flooded. Please advise.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Go jogging? And get hit by a meteor?

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to wor...

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up bec...

There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.

The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and...

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class and with children.

New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theate...

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.