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What Hamlet suffers from is a lack of zombies. Let us say Rosencrantz and Guildenstern show up—Ho-HO! Now you’ve got something that stirs the, um, som...more

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I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin.

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I should never be left alone with my mind for too long.

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As a journalist, I am compelled to know the answers.""As a girl, I am compelled to protect what's left of my manicure," Petra said.

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Oh, I didn't think it wise to hide it. Might not be able to find it again," I say, cheerily. "It's sitting in plain view on your chair in the great ha...more

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I will never, ever drink whiskey again. From now on, it's strictly sherry.

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I know because I read. Might I suggest you try it?

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Agent Jones held Sinjin’s face in his hands. “I’m going to make balloon animals. People need balloon animals.”“How right you are, strange delusional m...more

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New Maxi-Pad Pets. Accessories for your period.Brought to you by The Corporation: In your homes andin your pants.

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...There's an -or- in -whore- because you always have a choice to respect your body and say no.

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What kind of person doesn't let you have gummi bears?

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Because 'You're perfect just the way you are,' is what your guidance counselor says. And she's an alcoholic.

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...I think we should find some kind of shelter; a cave or something.""I don't want to do that! What if there's like, a creature living in the cave?" T...more

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I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

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A man bumps me on his busy way without so much as an apology. But that is all right. I forgive you, busy man about town with the sharp elbows. Hail an...more