Comments Quotes

I don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I don't see what's wrong with giving Bobby a little experience before he starts to practise law.

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better.

A thick skin is a gift from God.

Early to bed early to rise work like hell and advertise.

I have admired W.C. Fields since the day he advanced upon Baby LeRoy with an ice pick. Any man who h...

While you're saving your face you're losing your ass. Never trust a man whose eyes are too close to ...

I used to be snow-white . . . but I drifted.

Only mediocrity can be trusted to be always at its best.

In the world of mules there are no rules.

Parsely is gharsley.

One bliss for which there is no match is when you itch to up and scratch.

Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

Only the shallow know themselves.

The butler entered the room a solemn procession of one.

A diplomat these days is nothing but a head waiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally.

I had always assumed that cliche was a suburb of Paris until I discovered it to be a street in Oxfo...

The Right Honourable gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for hi...

He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.

Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.

Oats n.s. A grain which in England is generally given to horses but in Scotland supports the peopl...

Sometimes a cigar is only a cigar.

Heat madam! It was so dreadful that I found there was nothing for it but to take off my flesh and s...

Heat madam! It was so dreadful that I found there was nothing for it but to take off my flesh and s...

A man surprised is half beaten.

Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.

A man surprised is half beaten.

Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.

A man surprised is half beaten.

Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.

A man surprised is half beaten.

Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.

A man surprised is half beaten.

A man surprised is half beaten.

Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.

A man surprised is half beaten.

Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.

A man surprised is half beaten.

Forgetting of a wrong is a mild revenge.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years.

Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.

In California everyone goes to a therapist is a therapist or is a therapist going to a therapist.

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

Bland as a Jesuit sober as a hymn.

India is a geographical term. It is no more a United Nation than the Equator.

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg and he is trying to run away it is best to let him r...

Only two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former.

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

Epitaph to a waiter: By and by God caught his eye.

I don't know much about being a millionaire but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Worthless as wither'd weeds.

In uplifting get underneath.

There ain't no answer. There ain't gonna be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the a...

If I look like this I need the trip.

I never said "I want to be alone." I only said "I want to be left alone." There is all the differenc...

I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception.

No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.