"

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.

"

We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame almost always is placed on whisky. W...more

"

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

"

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

"

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

"

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

"

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

"

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

"

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

"

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.