Garrison Keillor Quotes

I ran a constant low fever waiting for my ride to come and take me away to something finer. I lay in...

My God, rich people have the time to praise You if they want to, but the poor people are so busy, ac...

The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.

What would people think?'Jesus said that people think all sorts of things. The human mind is like a ...

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a...

I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinte...

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Don't worry about the past and don't try to figure out the future

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss...

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize I'm going t...

When in doubt, look intelligent.

I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central t...

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for th...

It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them...

That's the news from Lake Woebegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, an...

A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the dec...

Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you wan...

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes,...

When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community togeth...

The Union is what needs defending this year. Government of Enron and by Halliburton and for the Sout...

I can see how I could write a bold account of myself as a passionate man who rose from humble beginn...

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you ...

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through i...

Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.

You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.

I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so...

The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endur...

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how ...

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garag...

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the c...

And then I stand in front of God's Throne squinting up at His blazing glory and He says, 'You had yo...

Hurry up! Do it – get it done. You got work to do. Don’t put this off and don’t take the long view. ...

A romp in the hay lingers like the first line of a song but your true love is the one you make a li...

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

I used to think that kid might become a preacher. Now I don't see how he's going to stay out of pris...