Milton Berle Quotes

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

I'd like to tell you some jokes now but you'd only laugh.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I can't tell you his age but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

Sex at eighty-four is terrific especially the one in the winter.

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, a...

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Committee: A group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.