Twitter Quotes

F. Scott Fitzgerald believed inserting exclamation points was the literary equivalent of an author l...

They’re called sock puppets. We create armies of artificial online personas – user accounts that esp...

Reading off a page is like looking down at a landscape from a balloon – your eye "sees" the story as...

One comforting thing about the Trump White House is that you aren't forced to choose between malice ...

When journalists are 'accused' of being 'advocates', that means: challenging and deviating from DC o...

I'd like to vote for the candidate similar to the one the Right absurdly claims Obama is.

A number I'd love to know: the % of those now saying 'we have to vote Obama to stop an attack on Ira...

For those suggesting criticisms of drone kills should wait until the election: that'd be reasonable ...

I know it's a really hard concept to process, but the fact that Govt accuses someone of being a Terr...

As always, imagine how great the press corps would be if it devoted 1/1000th the energy to dissectin...

The hallmark of an authoritarian idiot is yelling TERRORIST-LOVER! at anyone questioning the definit...

It's common to go from 'crashing the gate' to guarding it.

Terrorist', noun: 1. Someone my government tells me is a terrorist; 2. Someone my President decides ...

Terrorism': the word that means nothing, yet justifies everything.

They're called 'facts', and my role is to amplify those, not cheerlead. And I don't care at all what...

Incestuous, homogeneous fiefdoms of self-proclaimed expertise are always rank-closing and mutually s...

American political culture quickly and always outpaces any attempt to satirize it.

Scary discovery of the day: Most people who RT @yokoono's tweets do so without irony.

Because of racism, he can't govern effectively' is not a great argument for re-election.

The American people are fed up...with political posturing.' True, but also an example of political p...

I got my dad a great father's Day present. He called to say: 'Ach. Zis present is so good I now thin...

Dear Teens at Starbucks wearing 'Abstain from Sex 2 Attain Ur Goals' t-shirts: Doesn't it depend on ...

Like many people, I feel like celebrating. Remember this feeling. It is human, and can help us under...

I think there needs to be a meeting to set an agenda for more meetings about meetings.

Tip to all British tabloids: Do Not Hack Amy Winehouse's Phone. I repeat: Do Not Hack Amy Winehouse'...

I am just mystified by these people telling me I would think Obama was doing a great job if his skin...

Gov. Christie says 'New Jersey First.' State-based Isolationism!

I don't think twice about picking up my dog's poop, but if another dog's poop is next to it, I think...

One upside of the heat. Kind of cool to see a cat pant.

What is more likely? That tomorrow will be called 'Thursday' or that Maxine Waters will play the rac...

OK, publishing a book and releasing a movie is all very well, but Tottenham beating Man. U. 3-2... p...

Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you!

If you want to write a negative review, don't tickle me gently with your aesthetic displeasure about...

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when...

There hasn't been a scandal this big at the C.I.A. since (CLASSIFIED) committed (CENSORED) to (REDAC...

Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about h...

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcohol...

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return ...

NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter'...

Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstor...

Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my f...

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough...

It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean ...

Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create mis...

If contemporary literary fiction doesn't read a bit like science fiction then it's probably not all ...