Satire Quotes

The Open Road goes to the used-car lot.

Well, really, how would you like to make love with someone who kept twittering about his pure mystic...

You have a faculty for defining the simplest in terms of the grandiose, so that a poor devil like me...

Have a little sociological beano. As you said - in sociology one can do anything and call it work.

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

He would be a consul no doubt by and by, at some foreign port, of the language of which he was ignor...

When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.

Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't ...

An oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a scientist has; and so it it is reasonably certa...

I satirize at all times, and my hyperboles are as nothing compared to the events to which they refer...

The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went ...

I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

She looked at her note cards and took a breath. "Why I Love America, by Hayley McDonald's. America i...

Fifteen years ago, this would have been insider trading, but that quaint concept had disappeared a d...

If they projected the fact that they are dangerous any harder, there would be little puddles of "dan...

He has the memory of a convict, the balls of a fireman, and the eyesight of a housebreaker. When the...

I suppose that in no educational institution can one become an educated person.

The problem with you khakis is that you have started believing your own nonsense.

He won’t stop the war until you give him the peace prize.

Get some sleep, Secretary General, get some sleep. Revolution can wait till the morning.

Let me put it this way. Canada is not so much a country as a holding tank filled with the disgruntle...

Ernst was still in the Eastern Zone, about ninety kilometres from Berlin, when the truck emerged so ...

Here you will meet singular side-whiskers, tucked with extraordinary and amazing art under the neckt...

He was no stranger to compassion: his heart was open to many good impulses, though his rank often pr...

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman

Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether t...

Oh, I hate the cheap severity of abstract ethics!

They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance.

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasant...

hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a wom...

At my lowest point, when things were at their most desperate and uncomfortable, I always found mysel...

Women, when they kill themselves, choose far more romantic methods - like slashing their wrists or t...

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.

I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who pr...

The verdict of this court is that the accused are guilty of witchcraft. The maximum penalty the law ...

Percy, you are dismissed from my service.""Me? Why, my lord?""Why? Because, Percy, far from being a ...

Why, on to the castle, to kill the royal family, and claim the throne that isn't mine by right!

I have considered the impudent accusations of Mr Dawkins with exasperation at his lack of serious sc...

A fig for those by law protected!Liberty's a glorious feast!Courts for cowards were erected,Churches...

People say satire is dead. It's not dead it's alive and living in the White House.

Does it stand, but not straight enough? Is there a bend in the tool? Leaning left like the Marxist-L...

Boggle with sex addicts is up there with go-kart racing with junkies.

You'll have to leave my meals on a tray outside the door because I'll beworking pretty late on the s...

A question I have often asked is, ‘What would an inoffensive political cartoon look like?’ What woul...

What kind of God is it who's upset by a cartoon in Da

Religion, a mediaeval form of unreason, when combined with modern weaponry becomes a real threat to ...

The moment you say that any idea system is sacred, whether it’s a religious belief system or a secul...

When...did it become irrational to dislike religion, any religion, even to dislike it vehemently? Wh...

Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you!

If a queen comes to America, crowds fill the station squares, and attendant British journalists rejo...

Ah, Sir, a novel is a mirror carried along a high road. At one moment it reflects to your vision the...

Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't ...

The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons le...

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, a family is defined as two or more people living together who a...

That's not a religion, that's Pokemon.

Religion forces every individual to take responsibility. Specifically, take it away from yourself an...

After Jesus showed up, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their w...

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority fi...

All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don't want to know what c...

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, ...

But here's the biggest head-scratcher of all: Not only are atheists destroying our country, they're ...

There were people who believed their opportunities to live a fulfilled life were hampered by the num...

Many moral advances have taken the form of a shift in sensibilities that made an action seem more ri...

The land around Ankh-Morpork is fertile and largely given over to the cabbage fields that help to gi...

The wizards were civilized men of considerable education and culture. When faced with being inadvert...

Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple.

But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I ...

Once you were in the hands of a Grand Vizier, you were dead. Grand Viziers were always scheming mega...

(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Ho...

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

People said there had to be a Supreme Being because otherwise how could the universe exist, eh?And o...

The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.]

Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

I don’t think this kind of thing [satire] has an impact on the unconverted, frankly. It’s not even p...

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

the whole of Victorian literature done up in grey paper & neatly tied with string

Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend- provided of course he really is dead.

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And ...

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And ...

If this is the best of possible worlds, what then are the others?

If they're from the village, you take them to the inn. If they're from the city, you treat them with...

What a pessimist you are!" exclaimed Candide."That is because I know what life is," said Martin.

It is proved...that things cannot be other than they are, for since everything was made for a purpos...

Never so sure our rapture to createAs when it touch'd the brink of all we hate.

Love turns, with little indulgence, to indifference or disgust: hatred alone is immortal.

If she did not wish to lead a virtuous life, at least she desired to enjoy a character for virtue, a...

The wicked are wicked, no doubt, and they go astray and they fall, and they come by their deserts; b...

Here’s a 165-year old but still fitting comment on public officials who are so sure they’re right th...

Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?

Poverty, hatred, war, police-criminals, bureaucracy, insanity, all symptoms of The Human Virus.

Man is an artifact designed for space travel. He is not designed to remain in his present biologic s...

By and large, the mission of any ghost is to offer humility. They point out what's important by mock...

I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.""I don't say homosexuality's an abomination, Mr. P...

I know a lie when I hear one.

An Ass put on a Lion's skin and wentAbout the foreset with much merriment,Scaring the foolish beasts...