Fran Lebowitz Quotes

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to...

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove othe...

Now, nature, as I am only too aware, has her enthusiasts, but on the whole, I am not to be counted a...

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope fo...

There is no such thing as inner peace there is only nervousness and death.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enou...

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic natur...

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possib...

There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gu...

Polite conversation is rarely either.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the co...

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the id...

My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airpo...

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone i...

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of...

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy pettin...

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are ne...

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach...

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and t...

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irr...

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.

Success didn't spoil me I've always been insufferable.

Reading is better than life. Without reading, you’re stuck with life.

People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have tho...

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.

My favorite animal is steak.