Jay Leno Quotes

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said toda...

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's ...

You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs.

I was reading in the paper today that Congress wants to replace the dollar bill with a coin. They’ve...

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive...

You could do anything in your room at college. You could smoke pot live in a coed dorm have a girl...

Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bo...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides,flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing u...

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

My wife loves Europe but to me it's a bad day at a theme park.

Let me give you an idea how long ago they got married. You know where they met? . . . At a Cubs Worl...

Elections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promi...

L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one ti...

They keep talking about drafting a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was w...

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't ...

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't f...

As a politician he does everything to keep out of trouble often by not asking questions. However i...